The Dreaded "Gift Disappointment"
The Dreaded “Gift Disappointment”
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My Story
My son, Alex, is quite into LEGO. This past year the more obscure and vintage the better. Not the easiest task for shopping. But last year I remember the significant gift disappointment on Christmas morning when he did not receive the very large and very expensive set he wanted. And to top it off we had no family buffer - we were snowed in for 4 whole days at the farm. JUST THE 4 OF US. It was tough and it really hurt my heart. Given his emotional maturity is still underdeveloped I sought out some advice from Dr. Nicole Beurkens, a child psychologist, and I’m sharing highlights from her podcast so we can all be prepared and ready for gift disappointment!
7 Tips for dealing with the big emotions that come with Gift Disappointment:
Please remind yourself that it does not mean your child is ungrateful or spoiled but rather it’s your child’s reaction to the feeling of disappointment.
Find a quiet, safe, regulated time to begin talking about these feelings BEFORE the big day.
Explore: Get kids thinking and talking - being prepared takes the power out of a big feeling. “What do you think it will feel like if you don’t get that Lego set you are asking for? … I was wondering how you might feel if one of your cousins gets a gift that you wanted?”
Priming: depending on the age of your child you may need to help them answer the question, name feelings, understand that 2 feelings can happen at the same time, etc. “You really love Grandma but last year she gave you that thing you didn’t really like … and it’s so hard because you love her a lot … but you were so disappointed”.
Move into Problem-Solving. Use role playing where you get to be the kid and they are the grandparent/aunt/friend. Note: Impulsive kids need A LOT of practice so take your time.
Together make a list of 3 ways you could respond/react. Which are the 2 best ones??
In the moment of the big day, it’s about how you, the parent, manage your emotions! Stay calm. Give a hug. Say “I know this is hard but it will be okay”. Validate their feelings.
You’re not alone!
These things happen - it is normal. Young kids are still learning how to manage big feelings like disappointment. Move on, everyone will be okay. With more practice it will get better.
Anything that you can do to lessen the unavoidable stress and chaos of the holidays is a priority at Davis OT. In fact, it is the hot topic for our December Campfire Chat so if you want even more tips and discussion join us on December 14th at 7pm virtually with OT Kristina.
